And so I kept living

I was going to write a different blog. Actually, I did write it. Something I do before I hit “post” is take a few days to pray over my words. I’ve prayed and haven’t had peace about posting it. Maybe I will one day, but for now, those will be thoughts in a notebook.

The last few weeks have been a challenge. Almost a month ago, the darkness began to change. I’ve been blessed to have fellowship with my church and with a community of Christians I’ve met on Facebook, of all places. So, in relationships, I’ve found comfort. In my faith, I’ve found peace in Christ. That makes it easier in some ways.

I went 102 days with no panic attacks. Day 103 sent me to my counselor’s office for an emergency session lasting 3 hours. I completely broke down. 

Life is still hard. I’m not alone in that. I’ve realized that God’s brought me to this suffering to bring me closer to him and more dependent on him. It also allows me to love others better and differently.

Depression and anxiety open the space for hard conversations and love. I’ve always been big on authenticity and transparency, so that helps people feel comfortable with me. I love that. It’s such an honor to experience life with others and visit their darkness. In visiting with darkness, I’ve grown in my understanding of love and I continue to realize how much I need grace.

and though life is hard, I keep living. This is the theme for To Write Love On Her Arms and World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10th). It comes from a book I’ve been reading the last week called “Reasons to Stay Alive” by Matt Haig. If you suffer with depression, Matt’s words may resonate with you.

It’s important to know that you’re not alone. There are people who love you. These are things I tell myself every day, so I share them.

This week, please take some time to show some love to those around you. You never know who may need it. As always, I love you and am praying for you all and should you ever need anything, please reach out. Have a great week.

With love,

your sister in Christ

Philippians 1:6

Colossians 1:3-12

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